Personality type quizzes and profiles have always missed the mark, for me.
Until this one. (Affiliate links, but content is free excluding final link.)
In a nutshell, your “personality type” is an outline of your dominant personal qualities, the way you tend to best think, feel, work, and interact with others. The most esteemed version of this is probably the Myers-Briggs system – the one that assigns you four letters like INSF or ENTP, etc. For more information on that, check here.
I stumbled upon a company called Personality Hacker and took their free personality test. The results of this, the thorough explanation of personality types and ways to work with your personality to enhance your daily life, were life-changing.
I’ve found out, from these resources, that I’m an INTP. This type is blunt and honest, sometimes considered rude, and very intellectual (sometimes to a fault – spending a lot of time inside their own head musing over what they’ve learned and are working on.) You can read more about INTPs here.
How on earth does this help with mom guilt?
Let me transcribe some daily thoughts of a real mom. (Myself.)
“Should I call ______ to get together for a playdate? I know she wanted to, but I really don’t feel like socializing.”
“_______ gave me a strange look while we were talking at the library. Was I rude? I was trying to be helpful. How can I get people to realize I’m just being helpful?!”
“I just sat down to do paperwork for an hour… how is there no paperwork done? I feel so guilty and unproductive.”
These are forms of mom guilt. Trying to fit in socially with other moms and failing, trying to nurture and reach out but feeling misunderstood, struggling with being “productive enough” or doing “real work” enough hours out of the day.
The wealth of information that Personality Hacker’s website provided me about my personality type showed me that most of these kinds of struggles are directly flowing from my personality type. It has given me license to stop fighting my daydreams, my idealism, my introversion, and my bluntness. To stop feeling guilty about how my time is spent, where my mind wanders, and policing every syllable that comes out of my mouth.
The old me was completely convinced that these situations were results of not trying hard enough. Failing to be self-disciplined. Being a mean person. Not being “mom-like” enough. Being disorganized.
All of my life, I have been told that if I just tried harder, I could be more organized, productive, tactful, focused, social, patient, etc. That I could have more friends, more time, more contentment if only I did things “the way everybody else does.” And I believed this.
But an actually accurate personality typing has shown me a different truth. The way I am, the kind of mom and woman and friend I am, is a personality type. Others like me exist. I’m not “doing it wrong,” I’m just doing it my own way. I don’t actually need to try harder, socialize more, change the way I truly am inside. It’s fine to INTP all over the place. There are lots of great positives to this personality type, and so many free resources at Personality Hacker to help me enhance what I’d like to enhance.
What’s the catch?
No catch! While these are affiliate links, the resources I have linked until now are all free. I really used all of these pages myself, to learn more about my personality type and how it relates to others. I followed links throughout the website to additional (free) content. I’ve even joined a Facebook Group associated with Personality Hacker to participate in educated discussions about navigating the world as our true personality types.
I found Personality Hacker all on my own, used it for my own purposes, and felt compelled to share in this blog post. Only after I began writing it did I reach out to Personality Hacker to let them know I was doing a write-up, and they surprised me with an affiliate program. (That’s how we do here on Mostly Caffeinated – we’re never ever ever going to clickbait you, sell you stuff, or write just for affiliate purposes!)
Check out the free resources. Learn about yourself, and how your version of motherhood / adulthood is perfectly valid. It’s very freeing!
If you find you want to learn more, dive deeper, etc. there are paid programs you can join (webinars, downloadable resources, etc.) including some on family and marriage.
What’s your personality type? How does it play out in your home life for good? What would you like to work on?