Going Back to Work (for two days)

Juli

Recently, I “went back to work” by substitute teaching for two days.

It was wonderful, for so many reasons.

walking picture with coffee cup and bag. Text: Going Back to Work

I knew, with very strong intuition and conviction, that I needed to stop teaching full-time and stay home with my boys.  It was such clear wisdom from God, honestly, that I didn’t waver about my decision.

I also LOVED teaching.  Sure, my years of professional teaching were far from easy.  There were many challenges in regards to time, patience, personal and professional drama… the list goes on.  But the actual act of teaching – the helping, tutoring, guiding of young people, the crafting of lessons and experiences, the presenting of information – is part of me.  Like a limb.

Going back to work for two days did not change these two truths, but it was so important to my mental health.

  • It proved to me that I am not unhappy being a stay-at-home / professional parent.  Not once during my hours working or my evenings at home did I think to myself: “Why did I leave teaching?!”  “Ugh! I can’t believe I have to stay home again on Saturday.”  “I wish I could do this every day.”  “I made a horrible mistake.”
  • It proved that I do want to go back to work when my children reach school age.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself!  The energy I got from being in a school, with a faculty, around children, running a classroom… it was like an I.V.  Refreshing, stimulating, filled me up, in a way.
  • It reassured me that I did not stop working out of a lack of skill, true burnout, or anything of that sort.  Working felt like I’d never stopped.  (I would say “like riding a bicycle,” but honestly I’m terrible at riding bicycles.)  This mini work experience was  substitute teaching, so I was working with someone else’s routines, content, and materials.  I was also down with a virus (interrupted sleep, completely lost my voice between Day 1 and Day 2).  But still, I didn’t find the teaching difficult.  Teaching is tiring, significant mental work, and requires a lot of skill, but I wasn’t experiencing stress or struggle.

In short, I’m really glad I took this little assignment.  Sometimes certain opportunities or experiences can reassure us by confirming that we’re on the right path.  Sort of gives a renewed energy by sparing you from any lingering uncertainty.

Have you dabbled in working outside the home since becoming a full-time parent?  Or had a different experience that has given you important feedback about your decision?  Feel free to tell your story in the comments!

When Dad Goes Shopping

Juli

Yesterday, I felt like I was run over by a garbage truck.
Repeatedly.
I got this wonderful illness from my husband, who has spent the last week with laryngitis and tonsilitis, drinking up my lemon tea and using every Dayquil and Ricola in the house.

So he made a WalMart run after bedtime.

shopping bag Text: when dad goes shopping

If you didn’t already know, the shopping completed by the full-time parent looks much different than the shopping done by the wage-earning parent.

I asked him to pick up:
Dayquil
Lemon tea
Ricola
Ramen

He came back with:
Dayquil and Nyquil packaged together (I can’t take Nyquil)
A box of lemon tea, but also another box of some other “medicinal” tea I’ve never bought before
Two bags of Ricola, one of which he opened and stole half of
Two ramen packets for me, but also two “Siracha Chicken” which are definitely for him
Three GIANT bottles of Drain-o?
A GIANT box of garbage bags
A bunch of bananas (despite the bunch of bananas already on the counter)
Diapers
A GIANT bag of chocolate chips

… what?

The point here is, my husband is crazy and has no idea how to go to WalMart for four simple things.

FALSE

(Well, he might be crazy.  But I like that about him!)

The point here really is, my wage-earning other half really stepped in for me.  After feeding the kids and giving them baths and tucking them in, he decided to make a WalMart run.  He asked me zero follow-up questions about the shopping because I was barely able to speak.  He went and fetched me things to try and make me feel better, even though he should have been sleeping so he could get up early for work today.  He got some extra things that I bet he thought we needed, probably trying to save me a trip later in the week.

And chocolate chips.

This morning, he was up  at 4:45 as usual, made himself some weird medicinal tea, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and went to work.

Even if things aren’t done “your way,” what has your work-outside-the-home partner done lately that was thoughtful and self-sacrificing?

My Messy Desk

Juli

For a split second this morning, I was appalled and ashamed of the state of my desk.

That quickly changed into appreciating the mess.

My messy desk tells the story of my week.  And it’s a great one.

a very messy desktop

It’s like an I Spy book, right? I Spy meets Week in Review.

To the left, you’ll see the stack of books and journals and binders that I haven’t been getting to much, lately.

And a little pile of toys I’ve had to take away from the boys for misusing / taking bites out of them.

My sewing kit (it’s brown, hard to see) from fitting costumes for the school musical.  Three weeks left!

And an Easter hat.  It was Easter this past weekend!  What a great holiday.

And then a chucks pad (absorbent things they lay down in nursing homes and hospitals, I own them for dog house-training) and a sweatshirt. My coauthor here on the blog, Deb, had her baby over the weekend, and I was privileged to be her doula.  I was prepared for both an overnight stay and a car baby.  We almost had the second!  (I’ll let her share her birth story if she wants.  Not mine to tell!)

In the middle, some things the kids have grown out of – their milestones booklet from our old pediatrician, a pair of pants too small for even the smaller kid, some diapers from two sizes ago that I found somewhere, lurking.  Underneath those are probably things I need to repair (normal spot for that.)

Then a computer, buried under some spring town-wide mailing (it’s spring! for real!) and an Easter gift.

Then a stack of kids’ activities that I pulled out of my purse.  Because Lent is (finally) over, and I no longer have to wrangle two crabby little boys through a naptime church service singlehandedly.  Hooray!

I had to get that stuff out of my bag because I actually had a career gig the other day – I gave a presentation about the Camp that I’m on the board of directors for (check here if you’re intrigued!) then I substitute taught for my husband.  Flexed some old muscles, there!  It’s the first time I’ve presented or taught since I started staying home two years ago – it was great!

On the left, a stack of forsaken mail.  The paper clutter monster is getting the better of me, again… must recommit to my KonMari paper control methods!  (Must recommit to my KonMari methods in general… )

Yesterday’s coffee cup.  Dishes are not getting priority, either, right now.

Our Q&A: 3-Year Journal for 2 People.  I talked about this in a recent favorites video – we’ve still been using it every day (or every few days) and we’re still enjoying it!  It sits out on my desk to remind us both to do it.

A graham cracker.  First breakfast, while I work early in the morning.  (This morning, that was all of 5 minutes before someone joined me.  Mom life!)

There you have it!  I’ve always been committed to authenticity. This is my desk.  This is normal for the end of a week, if not a little messier.  But it’s been a heck of a week!  A baby being born, a high holiday, lots of travel and family, musical practices, presenting, subbing.

What grace to carry us through all of those events.

What a blessing to live them.

What crazy items are living on your workspace today?  Happy Friday!

Easter Traditions and Activities (besides”Meeting the Easter bunny”)

Juli

Looking for some Easter traditions you could start for your family, or activities to do with your children?  Here you are, just in time!

(These are mainly aimed at small children, and people who like simple, easy-to-execute, inexpensive fun.  Because that’s what I know!)

basket of easter eggs in the grass. Text: simple, quick, inexpensive Easter traditions

If you’re curious about why “Take your kids to meet the Easter bunny” isn’t on this list, you’ve got some more reading to do!

Photo Ideas (If your kids are game!)

  1. Bunny ears headband.
  2. Newborn sleeping in a large Easter basket
  3. Children surrounded by plastic Easter eggs
  4. Oversized Easter stuffed animals or other oversized seasonal props
  5. Kids hunting for eggs outside
  6. Kids holding or sniffing flowers

Cooking & Baking

  1. Rice Krispie bars, cut into seasonal shapes.  Maybe even break out the seasonal sprinkles.
  2. Meringues.  These are actually traditional – the empty air pocket inside is reminiscent of Christ’s empty tomb. (My husband makes them from his grandmother’s recipe every year.  Since they sit in the oven overnight, he makes them Saturday evening and they’re “empty” Easter Sunday morning!)
  3. Toss some pretzel sticks in some melted chocolate and make little nests (to put candy eggs or jellybeans in.)

Outings

  1. Egg hunt!  Most communities have one, many put on by parks departments or local churches.  If you don’t have one, gather the neighbor kids or cousins and have your own!  (Simply, of course… toss some candy in some plastic eggs.  Send a teen to scatter them around the yard.  BYOB (Bring Your Own Basket).  Done!)
  2. Flower hunt.  Check out a local botanical garden, park with flower beds, or your own yard for the first blooms of the season.  (This is great for pictures, too!)
  3. Easter Vigil random acts of kindness.  (The Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday is sometimes called Easter Vigil.)  Leaving a cut flower under the windshield wipers of some cars, leaving some treats on a neighbor’s doorstep, tagging a friend’s sidewalk with an Easter greeting.  It’s warm in the evenings, and what a lovely surprise to add to the beauty of Easter morning.
  4. Animal petting.  Some communities run a petting zoo, or an exhibition of prize-winning rabbits and ducks, or a baby animals meet ‘n’ greet.  Or, again, find a friend who farms or raises small animals and take your kids to pet them.  (More cute photo ops here!)

Old fashioned traditions

Don’t forget about the traditions of the past generations – perhaps a new dressy outfit for Easter.   Reading Peter Rabbit or another spring/rabbit book together.   (I’m a big proponent of reading to/with children!)  A specific special treat in the hidden Easter basket.  (My grandparents always gave us fancy decorated fudgy eggs from the local bakery!  Yum!)  Religious services during the week.  Gathering with family for a special brunch on Easter morning.

These things have a longer impact (even the clothes – you can wear those for birthdays and church and weddings all summer!) and some deeper meaning than a stuffed rabbit.  They are about relationships, family culture, neighborhood friendships,  a sense of wonder and anticipation to the most important holiday of the year.  And are possibly much more enjoyable and low stress than waiting in a line with a child who might just scream for a photo with a stranger.

Whatever you do in your home – have a blessed Holy Week preparation.  Love on your kiddos.  Impress upon them the eternal importance of what we’re celebrating.  How that looks in practice is up to you.

If you have simple Easter traditions of your own, feel free to leave them in the comments!  I’m sure there are great ideas I didn’t think of.

Rethinking “Meeting the Easter Bunny”

Juli

I’m becoming convinced many parents should stop.

white rabbit in grass. Text: Rethinking "Meeting the Easter Bunny" (For those of you outside the US, it is a common tradition to take small children to a mall or other public place to have their picture taken with someone dressed up as the Easter bunny.)

If the child you are taking ASKS to meet the Easter bunny – if they feel about the Easter bunny like they’d feel about meeting a favorite cartoon character – then wonderful!  I’m glad that’s easily accessible for your child, and I love seeing photos of happy kids on social media.

This is about the rest of our kids.

Every year it begins around this time.

What

The photos of hysterical babies and toddlers “meeting the Easter bunny.”  And people laugh and talk about how cute the crying child is, and how silly it is to be afraid of the Easter bunny.  And then they take the child the next year, and the child still cries.

I actually saw this unfold on my own Facebook newsfeed just the other day.  An acquaintance of mind posted a photo of her little guy, dressed in his fancy Easter clothes, with a big grin on his face, and a caption like, “I promise I won’t cry this year, mom!”  And a few hours later, a photo where, lo and behold, he was freaking out trying to get away from the Easter bunny.

Why Not

This is, I feel, the height of selfishness, of parents trying to live through their children, of not listening to our children’s hearts.

We are not taking a child to meet a relative or anyone actually life-changing.  It’s just a indeterminate person dressed… disguised in a giant bunny costume with huge unblinking eyes, urging children nonverbally to come sit on his lap amid a bunch of colorful decorations and cameras.

Could that sound a little disturbing to you?

Imagine.  For a child who doesn’t actively love the Easter bunny of his/her own volition,  those are real tears. They’re terrified.  Or at the very least they are not enjoying the activity.

And this activity doesn’t really serve an important purpose. What is motivating us to take a small child to meet the Ester bunny?

For a picture.

Because it’s “a cute thing to do.”

Because it’s a societal norm.

Because “I went as a child,” or “I never got to go as a child.”

It’s not eliciting a sense of childlike wonder for the kids who are scared and crying.

it’s not a fun holiday tradition if your child tries to get away from it every year.

It’s for you, really.  And doing something for your own reasons, when it scares your child… I hope that sounds like a poor idea.

What If

If you want to take them and try it, by all means!  But I really don’t ever feel comfortable seeing a photo of a child crying in the arms of the Easter bunny, because if they were uncomfortable I would hope their parent would have held them, protected them, carried them away, done something else.  Not deposited them in the arms of a stranger and backed away to get out of the photo op.  Then to post the photo for their friends and family to see.  To me, that says, “Look at how uncomfortable/frightened my young child is!  Isn’t it cute? And I’m not even there by them to ease their fears.  I just wanted the photo to look cute!”

I don’t think we would do that in other situations.

I don’t believe the people who dress up as the Easter bunny are inherently scary.  I don’t claim to know everything about your family dynamics. I went to see Santa when I was a child.  My parents were good parents.  You are good parents!  Part of parenting is giving our kids opportunities to experience fun things, to create traditions, to document special days.

 

But I’m not taking my boys to meet the Easter bunny.  Because  I know they would be scared, and I don’t scare my children on purpose.

And I certainly would hope  someone wouldn’t do it two years in a row.

It’s not worth the picture.  It’s not about us.  Nothing is about us anymore.

What Now?

Looking for some alternate ideas for Easter traditions?  Check this post!

March Favorites

Juli

Happy Friday!  My five March favorites:

Style: John’s Crazy Socks!

Beauty: Tony Moly sheet masks

Kids: Activity books

Random #1: Our Q&A: 3 Year Journal for 2 People

Random #2: Locally sourced coffee

 

*This post contains affiliate links.  That doesn’t impact your online shopping or prices.  If you choose to purchase the items linked, I may receive a small affiliate commission from Amazon.  (Literally something like 5 cents.)

When Your Toddlers Says He Doesn’t Love You

Juli

“Do you love Momma?”

“No. Ninus love Daddy.”

crumpled paper. Text: When your toddler says, "I don't love you!"

Well, stab me in the heart, why don’t ya.

First of all, never ask a child that question.  I know this, intellectually, but it just slipped out as part of regular banter with my three-year-old.  And just as quickly and uncalculated came his response.  “No.”

Now, this child has ALWAYS preferred his Daddy.  Since the day he was born, no exaggeration.  When he gets hurt or scared he will run right past me to my husband.  This, I am used to.

But what parent wants to actually hear about it, straight from the tot’s mouth?!

I am deeply familiar with child development.  I know he isn’t actually developmentally capable of understanding “love” as an abstract concept.  To him, it’s the same thing as “like” or “prefer.”  And he is a very honest, transparent child, so of course he answered that way.

He still calls for me from his room in the morning.  He still wants me to read him a book every nap time, and lie with him at bed time and sing songs.  He still wants to sit on my lap (sometimes) and help me cook and follow me around all day.  I can be sure he does love me, because of his actions.

That thought gives me pause.  Is this just the opposite of what we so often do as adults?  We verbally tell our children that we love them, but do our actions prove or disprove that?

My toddler’s actions hold much more weight to me than his words about not loving me.  I bet my actions do the same for him.  A million “I love you, baby!”s are not worth as much as sitting and playing trains (a cluttery activity that makes me impatient) or singing a 27th song at 9:00 pm (when I’m practically asleep myself!) or patiently helping him clean up his messes (no matter how gross… thank you, potty training.)

 

To summarize:
1) Never ask your toddler if he/she loves you unless you’re prepared for a “No.”
2) Toddlers can remind us that loving actions are far more important than nice words.

How To: Motivate Yourself to Finish Tasks

Juli

Raise your hand if you look at your mountain of dishes or laundry or paperwork and just feel defeated before you begin.  Here’s some ideas about how to motivate yourself to tackle those chores.

(a cup of coffee next to a mountain of paperwork) Text: How To: Motivate Yourself to Finish Tasks

Get Dressed

I mean, I hope you’re wearing some kind of clothes, anyway.  Awkward.

But what I’m getting at is actually getting ready in the morning.  Whatever “ready” is for you.  Get out of your pajamas, clean up, fix your hair (whatever that means to you, again.)

For this momma, that means putting on the same level of real clothes every day, whether I’m leaving my house or not.  It usually means a little makeup – personal preference.  A washed face and brushed teeth and the same hairstyle I wear literally every day (my hair is its whole own saga.  Ha.)  I could fly out the house without doing anything but putting on shoes.

Looking put together helps you feel put together.  If that sounds shallow, try it.  Game-changer.

Coffee/Tea

I enjoy my morning tea and afternoon coffee while working on my planner, writing up my shopping list, working on goal-setting, or other seated tasks.  Sometimes I use “sitting down with a hot beverage and doing nothing” as a self-imposed reward for accomplishing my chores, as well.

Speaking of Rewards

I don’t believe that every self care should be dependent upon you finishing some chore.  That’s a dangerous slope of self-induced guilt and stress.  But sometimes it can help to do something special, just for you, after completing something you’re particularly dreading.

For me, that looks like painting my nails if I get my nighttime routine done before 9 pm.  Going to the coffee shop on Sundays (have you seen my Instagram?!) if I do a sink of dishes first.  Things that are entirely extra, just for fun, occasional indulgences.

Music

Playing music can be a great motivator and stress reducer.  I find I especially appreciate music while cooking dinner – it’s the witching hour when my antsy kids are waiting for Dad to come home, and I can’t carry them around because I’m using knives and stoves.  They are entertained by my ridiculous dancing (I’m a HORRIBLE dancer!) and my frantic waiting-for-backup feelings are kept at bay.

Timer

This one doesn’t work well for me, personally, because my dog barks at timers and my dog’s barking grates on my nerves.  But I’ve heard of people having great success with setting a timer for just 5 or 10 minutes and seeing how much they can pick up in that time, or how many dishes they can wash, or how many clothes they can fold.  It proves that the actual time commitment of completing your housekeeping is not as big as it sounds, and is a fun challenge.  Instead of using a timer, I do the next trick…

Finish something while waiting

There are lots of little pockets of waiting in my day.  I wait for a toddler to use the bathroom, my husband to get out of the shower, tea/coffee water to heat.  For the resulting tea/coffee to steep/brew.  I wait for the kids’ 15 minutes of playtime after lunch before nap, for the washer (which takes longer than the dryer) to finish, for the kids to get done with their baths (that’s a Dad duty).

I smash a task into each of those time slots, which has the effect of the task getting done quickly, and added benefit of saving bigger chunks of time for more enjoyable activities.

Specifically, I wipe down the bathroom while my toddler’s in there.  I pick up our bedroom and check the weather and pick out my clothes while my husband showers.  My phone comes out to check social media while my water is heating (it helps me keep that time in check!) I do as many dishes as I can while my kids play before naptime.  I fold some laundry while I’m waiting for the washer.  The house gets picked up and vacuumed while my kids are in the bathtub.

This method is doubly helpful when it comes to things I MUST do while the kids are awake (vacuuming, cleaning their Jack-and-Jill bathroom) because during many of these little pockets of time, they are otherwise occupied.

Your turn! Do you have any tricks to motivate yourself for your tasks?  Leave them in the comments!

Tired SAHM? The Physical Task of Mothering

Juli

Nobody tells you that mothering (especially full-time, professional mothering) is such a physical job.  That “tired stay-at-home mom” is redundant.

If you try to list physically tasking jobs, likely to make the list are vocations like construction work, power-lifting, professional housekeeping, high-rise window-washing, nursing.  I can’t claim to have any personal experience with any of those careers, and I certainly don’t downplay any of them.

It was just a surprise to me.

And I’m not just talking about the physical aspects of pregnancy, delivery, and those first “lost weeks” postpartum.  Of course those are a Herculean physical strain, but I think those are decently well-recognized.

I’m talking about the long term.  The sleep deprivation doesn’t stop, it just changes.  After you teach your child to sleep through the night, you start sacrificing sleep to things like housekeeping, hobbies, tea with yourself, and worrying.
Instead of enjoying your soft pillows at 9:30, you lie awake until midnight thinking about things like taking bread of out the freezer for tomorrow, whether your toddler’s room is warm enough, if your husband’s alarm clock is set properly, how your ill friend is feeling, what errands you need to run tomorrow, the new parenting theory you are planning to try.

Once you’re up for the day, the cooking and cleaning begins.  These are physical tasks in their nature, but please add to that effort a 20 pound toddler on your hip or in a carrier.
There is walking the dog and/or running errands.  Which sounds easy, but actually requires pushing a stroller/cart (maybe a double or triple) with somewhere between 20 and 80 pounds of child in it, and holding back an overly-enthusiastic pooch who wants to follow every pedestrian home.

The bending.  The stooping.  The heavy lifting and repetative motions and chasing and hoisting and bending into cribs.
The Legos.
Then the wrestling of a kicking screaming toddler to a timeout, or a bathroom, or an unwanted nap.  The holding and pacing and singing with the ever-growing baby, which may take up to an hour before he falls asleep.
You are a human jungle gym.  A toddler falling down will use a tiny portion of your arm or leg skin as a handle.  A baby wanting a kiss will slam his forehead into your teeth.  Someone learning about body parts will jam a jagged fingernail into your eye, nose, ear, or belly button.

All of that physical exertion and damage is separate from nursing a baby for weeks, months, or years.  If you choose to do that, you are quite literally sitting without moving for up to an hour at a time, 8 or more times a day.
You can bet your child will only sleep held in that position, some days, or will only nurse in certain ways that leave you with neck cricks and sleeping legs.  There might also be pumping, which is just as (if not more) uncomfortable, but without the perk of baby snuggles.  And if your baby happens to sleep extra long, you don’t!  You set yourself an alarm and get up to pump.  Or risk mastitis.  Y’know.

(This in no way is meant to discount the role of fathering.  Here is my sweet husband, falling-down exhausted with each of our infants.  Incidentally, two of my favorite photos of all time.)

I hope the cute factor of the photos to accompany this post help drive home my true objective:

Mothering will wreck you.  Hopefully, this is temporary.  (I haven’t yet come out the other side, so I can’t promise anything!) Your metabolism, hormones, physical appearance, eye bags, sleep, joints… these may never be the same.

But honestly, what better to give yourself for?  What more awesome task can there be, than to relinquish selfishness of your physical body in order to serve your family?  At the end of the day, you may be completely depleted, but all of that energy and effort went into your kids.  You’ve poured from what the Lord has given you into others.

Tiny, snuggly, adorable others.

It’s worth it.

Juli

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