A Positive Spin: Being a Superhero

Please read the following  quotes with a snarky, irritated tone of voice.

mom tossing child - they're not lazy, you're just a superhero

“I can’t exactly do this by myself!”

This was my husband, trying to take a messy bib off a potty-training toddler who was running away down the hallway.

Are you kidding?  It’s one kid, and a bib.  Seriously.

This was my husband giving two little boys a bath.

Then why do you do extra-curriculars until long after dinner, and expect me to bathe both kids myself?

This was my husband trying to get both boys dressed for church on Sunday morning.

You realize I do this every single morning every week while you’re working, right?

This was my husband trying to make waffles with both boys in the kitchen.

How do you think you have dinner to eat every day, Mister?

“I’m tired, y’know?”

Same husband, explaining why he’s watching TV instead of helping me clean up to host a party of his coworkers.

TV makes you less tired?   How handy.

Falling asleep reading the boys their bedtime stories, which inevitably makes them screech and whine that he’s not “reading it nice.”

Not an excuse to poop out on your kids!

Sending me to do the grocery shopping by myself at 9 pm.

I am so tired I could fall down.  What gives you the right?!

 

These “cries of desperation” make me so ANGRY.  They reek of self-centeredness, weakness, lame excuses.  It feels like I carry the brunt of the parenting, and when my husband needs to do one minor task he can’t handle it.  I mother the boys solo for 10-12 hours per day, but still need to help him do it for 2 more hours in the evenings?!  As though a yogurt-covered bib is the most difficult possible scenario with two boys under 4.

Then, my perspective shifted dramatically.  (Do you ever feel like the Lord just smacks you upside the head with an attitude adjustment?  That’s what happened.)

I was in the middle of a mighty internal struggle, trying to hold back my biting words (the comments in italics.)  For a blunt, opinionated woman like myself, this struggle is a lot like plugging holes in a dam with my fingers.  I usually fail.  But this time, I had a revelation.

My husband floundering in these mundane tasks doesn’t mean he is being wimpy or trying to pass off his parenting onto me.  It actually means I’m a superhero.

That I possess an important set of skills, a talent at putting out proverbial fires, can juggle an inordinate amount of crises at once.  That my super-intelligent, creative, patient, 2nd-grade-teacher husband is flattened by fatigue and mess and multiple toddlers, and I am not.

The fact that I can do this full-time parenting gig all day every day and still stay awake through storytime, not get yogurt on the carpet, remember the groceries late at night,  throw parties, and have neatly dressed little boys is a testament to my strengths, not his weaknesses.

We stay-at-home moms and dads, we professional parents, are superheros.  We can accomplish what many others cannot.  We’ve been called to have an enormous mental fortitude, determination, and patience, and continuously pour from what we have been given into others.

I’m really glad my attitude has shifted about this BEFORE we add more little humans to this family

So the next time you hear your partner say, “I can’t do this by myself!” or “Could you just help me?!” or “I’m too tired!” I suggest choosing to hear “You’re a superhero!” instead.

 

 

17 thoughts on “A Positive Spin: Being a Superhero

  • July 19, 2017 at 1:21 am
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    Love this different perspective! Great way to think about it and reverse the thought process so the reflection is on yourself.

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  • July 18, 2017 at 3:24 pm
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    It’s funny how sometimes the right perspective hits us at the right time. I love the way you turned this situation on its head and chose to focus on the positive. We are all doing our best for our families. There are many things my partner does that I detest doing, pretty much any kind of yard work. I think we all have those moments when we can’t believe the other person can’t handle the kids, but its good to remember the ways each person helps to make a family function. I always love reading positive post like this. Cheers!

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  • July 18, 2017 at 3:17 pm
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    That’s such a great perspective. Being a stay-at-home mom is really challenging. This is a great reminder to know that the job we do is really hard but we’re hanging in there and getting it done. Thanks for sharing!

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  • July 18, 2017 at 1:31 pm
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    Love this! So amazing what a different mindset can do! I’ll need to remember this because I find myself getting frustrated with my husband for the same reasons, sometimes!

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  • July 18, 2017 at 12:47 pm
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    I may have said most of those things in italics before… maybe even more than once! I will choose to focus on the positives instead.

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  • July 18, 2017 at 11:35 am
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    I really love the perspective of focusing on your own strengths versus the perceived weakness of someone else. Men are just wired so differently than us. In particular, they can’t multi-task like we can. Which is about 90% of being a stay at home parent!

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  • July 18, 2017 at 10:14 am
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    Great way to look at it. I think the same things all the time.

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  • July 17, 2017 at 8:48 pm
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    Oh my goodness, I think these same exact things sometimes. But referring to myself as a superhero is what I will do when daddy just can’t do anymore today!

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  • July 17, 2017 at 7:36 pm
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    that’s a great way to look at it! I will say, I think that he thinks you are a super hero and it’s somehow easier for you. That’s a myth that men have believed about women for generations. It’s not easier on you, you are stronger.

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  • July 17, 2017 at 1:49 pm
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    Sometimes I definitely feel like a superhero. When my daughter is fed, bathed, and put to bed without a meltdown, I feel so powerful and together!

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  • July 17, 2017 at 8:46 am
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    This is a good way to look at it. I have those comments constantly going through my head all the time when my husband gets home and struggle with just needing a night off. Thanks for this!

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  • July 17, 2017 at 6:25 am
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    A positive mindset really is so important. There is only so much that we can give when we are struggling with our emotions and attitudes. Glad you were able to get a positive perspective before adding more littles 🙂

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  • July 17, 2017 at 6:19 am
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    Great perspective! We just had a baby and my husband is at home for 6 weeks on paternity leave. He has been a lot of help, but he’s also made a lot of reaffirming comments about what a good job I do with the kids/house. It’s nice to hear those comments because I don’t feel like a superhero on some days!

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